It’s a cruel trick of nature that after pregnancy, the culmination of which generally results in a human coming out of another human, when you might finally get a chance to get your mind back, without the constant hormonal attacks, you are almost certainly immediately so sleep deprived that you become, once again, quite, quite mental.

Pregmentia is, (so I hear, although not having experienced it first hand I can only trust that it’s not just a conspiracy by pregnant women created as an easy out for any fuck-ups they might make during this time) a state of semi-senility, or dementia which occurs during pregnancy, generally attributed to hormonal imbalances and the fact that you have a parasitic being inside of you literally sucking the life out of you, also the fact that it is probably quite distracting to know that at the end of 9 months you’re gonna have to let this giant thing use your vagina as an exit – they’re not French doors, you know.

I think most people I know (around my age, that is - to be fair to the older, more hardworking generation) have had a period in their lives when they have watched too much tele.

Late night tele is the worst offender.. you're too lazy to get up and go to bed, coupled with the fact that your body clock is so outta whack (from all the late nite tele you've been watching til dawn, and the luxurious fact that your unemployed or studenty status means you have nothing to get up for), that you end up watching infomercials (that's correct - information + commercials).

Here are some reasons why the pull of the mighty infomercial can be too strong to be resisted by the weak and/or stoned:

1) We're enthralled by the depths some has been celebs will go to to get their mugs and jugs on the box.

2) We're enraptured by the hardcore sell; a cash cow disguised thus - you actually need it - it will actually make your life better, and we can prove it, with our scientastically researcherised factiods.

3) We're captivated by offer upon offer - if I'm always being told to "wait, there's more!" - why should I ever buy? Surely the offers can only get better? Oh! Here's why - because if you call in the next 15 minutes, you'll also receive this other pile of useless crap, for just twice the price.

My advice - (I finally took it myself) - Get some sleep.