Hey, forget traditional forms of revenge (all you unhinged people out there who regularly indulge in a helping of your favourite cold dish)... you know; spray painting your lovers car with abuse, throwing his clothes out onto the street, breaking his shit, shooting him to death(?) (I had to say that cos of the picture I used for this piece)... This is the digital age and it takes far less effort to enact eVenge than revenge.

Examples of eVenge can be found on sites such as DontDateHimGirl.com and ManHater.com ("We don't hate ALL men, just the jerks!" - yeah so they've changed their name to 'womensavers' now, but that's just doesn't pack the same punch) - sites specialising in assassinating the characters of men who have been naughty. This has the dual purpose of getting back at the naughty boy AND warning other girls against ever dating them. It gets pretty full-on apparently. One guy filed a lawsuit against DontDateHimGirl.com because a bunch of chicks defamed the living hell out of him. [wiki]
I can see why some people go in for eVenge; with a few mouse clicks, an upload here, some creative writing there, you can create a complete revenge package where a) the humiliating consequences reach a far wider audience, and b) it is far more difficult for him to get rid of these slights in order to clear his name.

So, eVenge.
If you've not yet figured it out, eVenge is a smooshing together of electronic + revenge.
(Urban Dictionary tells me it is sometimes written with the first consonant capitalised. As you can see I have decided to run with this. They just love doing that with 'e' stuff, don't they?)
But you don't have to go to a special website for eVenge of course. Nah, you can slag people off on facebook, twitter, whereever you have an audience on the internet.
I could get some eVenge right here if I had the inclination...

Ah men... I can’t keep away from the subject.
Manscaping can be defined as the removal of excess male body hair via waxing, shaving, plucking, lasering or trimming.

For me, manscaping calls to mind thoughts of heavy machinery being required, the possibility that it will turn into a long-term project, that it will most certainly be costly and physically arduous and with a definite chance that the final product won’t look as natural as you would like it to. At least not until the growth takes root and flourishes to once again recreate a lush and verdant environment.

Personally, I prefer my men less well manscaped. I mean, within reason I tend to be attracted to the disheveled types (usually with personalities to match)...

However, it seems there are plenty of people out there who think this is the be all and end all for the modern male and are more than willing to sell you a solution.
In the course of my research I came across some very forceful writing about the do's and dont's of manscaping techniques from the 'experts'. A few key pointers cropped up again and again:
DO NOT completely shave the armpits or the genital area - this is NOT what women want and will turn them right off. Three words: Trim, trim, trim!!
DO get rid of every bit of back and shoulder hair. This is a manscaping MUST.
Don't even THINK about having messy hair (on your head) or haircut growing out that looks all 'mangy' if you're going for the manscaped look.
Eyebrows? Pluck 'em.
Nose and ears? Trim or epilate.
Knuckles and toes? Tweezers again.

Yep it's probably gonna be painful, but apparently you're a bloke and you need to harden the fuck up if you want to end up soft all over.

It seems to me that traditionally the latter months of the year were reserved for such celebrations as oh, you know – Halloween, fireworks night, maybe erm...Thanksgiving if you're American, Oktoberfest even...

Not any more – it seems these pre-Christmas months have now become important celebrations of men and their various types of facial hair...

As if Movember wasn’t enough as we chortled at our man-friends' wispy, straggly, bushy and prickly efforts at being moustacheoed for charity, Movember now has a boisterous and bristly brother – choptoper
- grow your sideburns for charity.
Go on!

Actually, don’t worry, do it next year – I just realized it’s already Movember…
Imagine the chops you’ll cultivate by next year though!!

Finally, a conjoinulated concept so nuanced I am really struggling to form the words.

Nope, it’s not so simple as homosexuality, and certainly not so complicated as incest (I only say that incase the first three letters confused you - really, not about siblings at all), this is a far subtler, more delicate form of manlove…

Bromance* describes…. Oh god, why not? I can’t put it any better myself – no point simply paraphrasing...
Although I am loath to admit it, Urban Dictionary probably puts it best by saying the following:

“Describes the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males.”

And actually, I have to admit, even this definition from further down the page is kinda good – I gotta say, even the highest voted ones are usually sketchy at best:

"An emotional attraction between bros. often the attraction is expressed physically through wrestling, nuggies, and head locks. In the more advanced stages hugging, snuggling, spooning, and even kissing may be included."

There are conflicting views on who exactly coined this phrase - some say it first came from the film Superbad (2007), others say it started in New Zealand long before that, (which is quite likely considering the high overuse of the word 'bro' in those parts - even I get called 'bro when I'm there sometimes - and I'm a girly girl!), and someone else reckons it was invented by some guy called Dave, who edited a grown up skater magazine called 'Big Brother' which doesn't exist anymore. Someone else reckons some monkey at MTV dreamt it up, which is clearly bullshit.

Obviously I don't know who exactly is responsible, but whoever it is deserves high praise for another fine conjoinulation that rolls off the tongue, and says so much, and yet so little.

*from 'bro' or 'brother' as a colloquial name for ones friend or mate, and 'romance'.

It's been months, I know. So in order to welcome myself back I'm themeing this week's writing (really, I'm kidding myself if I think I'm gonna write more than one post this week - probably should read "I'm themeing my next few posts around...") around what has partly been keeping me distracted and away from the computer: Men (or probably more accurately, boys, mentally at least... bitter? who, me?).

Well... now that I've pretty much sworn off them (for now), I have more time to sit back and reflect...

Make up for boys is everywhere you look at the moment. Superdrug has jumped on the band wagon and is stocking guyliner and manscara - I'm guessing it's just cheap and nasty products in manly packaging. (Oh, just a minute, stop the press, I just read that the 'Guy-liner' pencil is "chunkier than the female equivalent and therefore easier for men, who have bigger hands, to use"). Hehe... probably not the men most likely to be wearing it - can't quite see it catching on with the meaty-handed construction worker crowd just yet.

The whole (marketing) thing is a bit silly really - surely any self respecting male, if they've got the balls to wear make up, would be more than happy to just buy one of the many brands of girl cosmetics that aren't all pink and fluffy looking... either that or just borrow their girlfriends'. Still, I guess you can hardly blame those marketing folks for giving it a try.
Anyway, at least something good has come from all this (apart from a healthy profit for Superdrug) - two swell conjoinulations.