I live alone, and to afford this relative luxury I live in fairly small quarters. Space is at a premium, and storage space at an even greater premium. Now I certainly don’t purport to be the tidiest soul in the universe. No sir. I can clean and tidy when I need to, but I also spend a fairly sizeable chunk of the time (being as it is that I live alone) wallowing in my own filth.

Now if I had a family to clean up after, kids and the like, well… it doesn’t bear thinking about, just the thought of it makes me tired.

So… to the matter of storage space… I have a wardrobe… I have a chest of drawers… I have about a million items of clothing (of which I probably regularly wear about 2%) and something here just doesn’t add up. Now you understand why my studio can be, quite frankly, a tip. What happens is that my floor space becomes not so much ‘space’ but in fact takes on a new role – that of a ‘Floordrobe’ a temporary wrangling area for those clothes worn once, maybe even just for a matter of minutes or seconds, scrutinised in the mirror and discarded perfectly clean (at least for the time being) on the floor until such time as I am hit by a madness of cleaning frenzy, or they get absorbed back into the cycle and worn again passing the test they previously failed by being teamed with something that works, or until the weather becomes either a) too hot, or b) too cold (more likely) that I don’t care what I am wearing.

Useful item, the Floordrobe, doesn’t come flat packed, no assembly required, takes up very little space until full, and always matches the carpet.
Oh wait… it is the carpet.

It's been a while. What can I say...? It's summer. It's unhealthy to blog too often in summer.

Speaking of summer - holy crap, as if bitchy women's magazines weren't annoying enough most of the year - they get unbearable in summer - if you were to take what they say and try and translate that into some sort of practical routine to be followed day to day... let's just say that in order to prep your skin/body/hair/nails/wardrobe for summer you may as well quit your job, say goodbye to loved ones, take out some sort of a loan type thing (cultural idiom requires me to say 'second mortgage' here, but as I don''t have a first mortgage, that simply doesn't apply) and cloister yourself away like some sort of caterpillar, all in order to metamorphose yourself into an acceptable beach dwelling creature. It's sick, I tell you. Sick!

So, what do they have to say about fingernails... (Please bear in mind, I have not returned to the whatever publication I got this from to verify that I have my facts straight, - I couldn't remember where I read it even if I wanted to - but am simply regurgitating what I absorbed whenever it was I read this).
The ideal fingernail shape we should all be striving for (ladies), is the 'squoval' (squared oval) - you want your nail to have a squared off top and oval/curved sides - natural, and easy to maintain so they say. (oh - and I think they said light coloured polish makes your fingers appear longer - yes - I'm sure that will have them all fooled that you are a concert pianist.)

Anyway, one thing you DON'T want to be flaunting, just above your jandals, are 'cankles'.
This should be pre-tty well self explanatory - it's when ones calves and ankles are sort or morphed into one - you know how some women's legs don't curve in at the bottom of the calf muscle, and therefore make no clear delineation between calf and ankle? Cankles.

Needless to say, I didn't read about cankles in a women's magazine. That's just a little bitchiness devised by a friend of mine. That's obvious, because it's sound genius, without the pretense of trying to help you achieve some unattainable level of attractiveness. She always did call a spade a spade.

So, my Mum calls me up from t'other side of the world and tell me she's purchased this 'toy' poodle (kind of a misnomer, because while this creature may be seen as a mere plaything, it is an actual living, breathing - and apparently wee-ing - creature). So I'm kinda shocked considering my Mum's class taste in previous family canines - proves she gone all sub-urban - that's cool, she's in her late 50's, she's entitled.
Anyway, Opal (pictured, with the bad fringe and jumpsuit), it turns out, is to be the Queen Bee of my Mother's super designer doggie breeding empire...
What?
My Mother is to mate 'Opal' with another posh doggie, but of a different breed. What breed you ask? Schnauzer. What do you get when you cross a schnauzer and a poodle?
A damn fine conjoinulation, that's what, and $800 'Schnoodle' puppies.

Turns out dog breeders quite like, ahem, 'conjoinulating' dogs these days:
Cavoodle: Cavalier King Charles Spaniel + Poodle
Cockapoo: Cocker Spaniel + Poodle
Labroodle: Labrador + Poodle
Pekeapoo: Pekingese + poodle

If anyone can tell me why it's always damn poodles I will be most appreciative.

My theory is that they choose the mixes based on the quality of the conjoinulation, and that the double 'oo' sound in poodle is cutesy and irresistible to the type of people who sit around deciding on what dogs should have sex with what other dogs.
As an afterthought - I would also like to think they use the respective sizes of the breeds as a factor when considering these things.

Yep, conjoinulations lurk all around, even in the world of fashion.

The Burkini (Burka/bikini): This fascinating and practical item is designed in Australia for Muslim women to wear at the beach.
Check it out.

Skort: I really need a pic to describe this one - basically, it's a skirt with a division between the legs. Like shorts, but more skirty I guess.
oh! oh! - "Some skorts are essentially skirts with a pair of shorts hidden underneath while others are more like a pair of shorts with a piece of fabric over the front. So from the front it looks like a skirt but from behind it looks like a pair of shorts."
Thanks wiki.

And now for my absolute summer staple -
Jandals: you guessed it - the New Zealand word for flip flops is actually a conjoinulation of 'Japanese Sandals'. I only found this out a month or two ago and I'm still reeling. It's OK if you, too, need to take a moment.